2C (not two cents)

25th October 2009

Text

performing femininity

i’m in the middle of a conversation about an instance of a woman reporting her miscarriage on Twitter. it’s a grad class discussion. i don’t think it’s falling in my favor.

issues of whether or not i want Trunk anywhere near my sibs and their fertility issues aside, i have to say that i’m aggravated by the backlash linked to notions of “propriety.” she’s supposed to be heartbroken and she’s supposed to keep it a secret.

these “supposed to”s presume 1) that all women want children and 2) that women’s bodies are in some way unspeakable.

i have a number of issues with these two assumptions, but the one i’m pointing to here is about the inappropriateness of a  miscarriage at work which inconveniently complicates our notions of women’s bodies at work.

it’s hard to argue with me about the points that come next because i’ve been swimming in corporate waters a long time. the corporate hierarchy-competition model mimics the social models of heterosexual masculinity. this is a cultural model that delineates women as sexual objects by definition. at work, our sexuality is never off stage. but maternity is another matter, isn’t it?

who can decide what is and isn’t “appropriate” where women’s bodies are concerned?

i have never wanted to be a mother. it doesn’t make me shallow, mean, selfish or broken. although i’ve been told all of those things and more. i don’t really like children. and i don’t think it’s a great idea to launch my own family on the hope that “it’s different when they’re your own.”

i agree that children are central to our communities, that children should be safe, protected, healthy and educated, and that it is the moral obligation of all of us to see to it that all these needs are met. it’s why i spend so much time and resources advocating on their behalf. but it’s not guilt that drives me. it’s justice.

i’m not saying that i want to give up shoes and lip gloss. i just want to stretch the definitions a little. if you want to be parents, fine. if you love children, even better. don’t listen to the master myth that says my feelings invalidate yours. they simply don’t.